You might not agree, but my experience is that our greatest challenges in life occur in our relationships, through misunderstandings, disagreements, heartbreaks, disloyalty, power abuse etc. Whenever we experience separation, conflict or scarcity in a relationship, the natural thing for us is to blame the other for the pain we feel ourselves.
An interesting, however challenging question I practice asking myself in these situations is ”what if they are only mirroring what I have not seen and accepted within myself?”
Could it be, that our most challenging relationships are really our greatest teachers, because they show us the unconscious beliefs and ideas hiding in our own shadow?
This doesn’t justify abusive behavior, however it can be a questions that gives perspective and helps to take responsibility of our own part of the experience. Of course, we all cope with conflicts in different ways. I personally prefer not to act before I have a clear sense of where I stand and of what feels true. My movement practice, whether it is yoga, strength training or running, has been essential for me to process challenging experiences. I personally find that movement and conscious breathing allows the emotions and thoughts present to move through me so I don't stagnate in self-centeredness. When we take something personally we often "miss the forest for the trees". Taking a step back to re-align, discern and gain perspective might then be more constructive approach, than immediately blaming others. In other words, it is the practice of attaining an Eagle's Perspective.
Another tool that I have found to be effective in gaining perspective is the fire ceremony process. It is a practice I use on a daily basis, and it has become a natural part of the retreats I facilitate. What is more beautiful, than to finish a day in stillness around a fire?
Comments